Scott Aukerman:

• Famous enough to have his yearbook on Ebay.
• Famous enough for a photo of that yearbook to make the rounds.
• Not quite famous enough for anyone to drop that $189.

I feel like that is the ideal. Congratulations, Scott. You’ve made it.

My blog is about 5% a showcase of me at my best and 95% a showcase of me eating Werther’s Originals without pants on.

I wrestle with that sometimes.

I think my life has sunk to the point where I’m making in-app purchases.

One time I created an online dating profile and this girl from high school sent me a message that said “Funny seeing you here,” so I deleted my profile and flew away into outer space.

Everytime I see a tumblr post with a picture of Bush I assume it’s going to be a bad joke but sometimes it’s about 9/11 and that’s a real bummer.